The illusion of danger
I was cheerfully walking on the sidewalk. Beyonce loudly singing in my ears, I was feeling confident and powerful.
The glittery dress I was wearing made me act like a supermodel. One foot after another, I paid close attention to my posture, as my mom has repeatedly told me.
Suddenly, I noticed a black car slowing down as it came next to me. The car matched my walking speed. I started to pay attention to it. I quickly reduced the volume of the music in my headphones.
I peered to my left, trying to recognize the driver. It could be someone I know. But I only saw a blond man who didn’t remind me of anyone. Was he following me? My sexy dress that once made me feel free and desirable made me feel insecure and fearful. I had trouble walking straight, as I tried looking behind me. I pulled my slim dress down and started to accelerate. I looked towards the exit of the street and felt like my heart stopped beating.
Why the hell did I choose to go through this never ending path? When will I finally escape it? My only goal was to reach the end of this dark sidewalk. I was starting to feel breathless. My jerky breathing and fast steps sent me into a spiral of panic. I lowered the sound of my music again, until I heard no more notes.
And then I noticed something strange. The same car passed by me, passing me, and coming out of the street. As if the driver didn’t even see me. How could that be? Was he scared? Did I accelerate enough? Would the arrival of a witness have dissuaded him from hurting me? A million questions popped up in my head. I tried to understand how I had been able to get rid of the psychopath. I turned around, looking for an explanation.
No one else was there. No pedestrian. No car. That’s where I saw it. The traffic light. Exactly where I noticed the black car slowing down. It was now green. Everything was explained. I had not been followed. The man wasn’t going after me. I was finally able to catch my breath. My breath slowed down as I walked. The stress went down. I wiped my sweaty hands on my hips. I lifted my wet hair up from my forehead. The beat of my heart was back to normal. I was safe.
But this feeling of safety disappeared before I had time to completely calm down. I heard steps nearby. They seemed very close to me. My heart started pounding again. I tried to accelerate. The atmosphere suddenly felt so heavy. I held on to my bag with all my strength, while trying to act normally. I didn't want the stranger to perceive my fear. However, I wasn't sure I could do it. My hands were shaking. I felt totally overwhelmed by their presence. I felt like I was being observed. The lack of lighting worried me even more. No one could see me. What if I were kidnapped, without any witness?
My heart was beating so hard that I had trouble distinguishing those steps from mine. As if the person behind me was carefully synchronizing their steps with mine. I took a moment to continue listening, without stopping walking. The crunch of their shoes on the ground seemed extremely similar to the ones of my heels. The darkness of the city even prevented me from seeing their shadow. Was it a man? Yes. It seemed obvious. This threatening presence could only be the one of a man.
It was so disturbing that I took a deep breath and sharply turned around. Nobody. Nobody was behind me. I scanned every corner of the street, eyes searching for any sign of movement, straining to catch the slightest sound. I felt relieved and stupid at the same time. I was so dumb to imagine all of this. I shook my head, silently blaming myself for being so anxious all the time. It was all in my head. Or at least I hoped so.